Worst Week Ever

In case you are wondering why you didn't get a holiday card from the Issa's this year...here's why.

Friday: I go to pick Luke up from work and upon returning to my car see that my car window has been smashed in and my purse is gone. Guess locking my car wasn't good enough...why wouldn't they just go after one of the cars that is running with nobody in it?! Meanwhile Paul is returning from work to get a call from Wells Fargo asking if I had written out a check for $800 recently...he doesn't recall anything, but then again he doesn't know all the checks that I'm writing. Geez Paul, you must really think you are getting a good Christmas gift this year! Luckily we had a teller who was on top of things and questioned the check which made the lady bolt from the bank. The lady was dumb enough to try cashing it at my bank which also had my signature on file -- which didn't match her forged signature. Being that she has all my ID's, I'm now just waiting to get arrested for trying to cash a forged check.

Saturday: Deal with filing police reports. Apparently you can't just file one police report for an incident...you have to file one for each town that activity occurred. I am now up to 4 open police reports -- some are from my two car acciedents in October. Took car in to get repaired...bummer to find out it'll be a couple days of carpooling which is always fun with a 6 month old and pokey Paul.

Sunday: Day off from worst week ever. Good thing for what's about to come...

Monday: I drop Luke off at daycare, Paul off at work. I decide to start my day off right with a call to my BFF and a Starbucks on my way to the DMV to get a drivers liscence. That dream of a good morning comes to a quick halt when my car window won't roll up after paying for my Starbucks at the drivethru window. Mind you, it's December in Minnesota which means a -25 degree windchill. Yep, it just so happens that today is the coldest day of the winter thus far as I'm driving around town trying to find someone who can fix a window for me. Jiffy Lube was no help. I finally find a Goodyear who can fix it and $350 and 6 hrs later I have a working window again. Off to the dentist to get a cavity filled...come to find out I have two cavaties. Guess I better lay off the Holiday cookies this year. Still haven't gotten to the DMV yet and it's now 3pm...don't think I'm going to make it in to work today.

Monday Evening: I'm starting to feel queezy. Dr. Paul tells me to relax or I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.

Monday 11:30pm: By now, I have managed to unload everything that was inside of me into the toilet in less than 2 hrs. As I am lying on the floor of our bathroom 10 lbs lighter (ok, that part might be made up), too weak to move, I let Paul know that I think that I might be dying and that he should probably just call 911 rather than try to take me in himself. I pass out as soon as I try to stand up. Off go the Issa's to the hosptial.

Tuesday 1am: After the Doc reviews my blood, she asks if I have Diabetes. Apparently my glucose levels are that of a diabetic person -- guess I better keep an eye on that along with my high cholesterol. Paul then politely let's the nurse know that if she needs help figuring out what's wrong with me he is starting to feel queezy himself.

Tuesday, 2:00am: Paul begins to puke while my whole body is shaking like I just had a baby. Good thing we have a nice cozy room in the ER where everyone can here us getting sick. The 80 year old next to me seemed to be having a rough night too...got staples in his head after falling down the stairs. Meanwhile, Luke remains sleeping like a baby next to my bed. Nurse tells us that we have to get someone here to get our baby (who is wearing a helmet, but that's a whole other story). The nurse gave him a double take after seeing the helmet, but didn't dare to ask what his problem was.

Tuesday, 2:30am: We have called all the phone numbers of our siblings with no answer. All that is left is my parents -- who I know will answer. I call them to tell them that yes, I am in the hospital and they need to come get their grandson because Paul and I are down for the count.

Tuesday, 3:00am: Andover Deputy Sheriff knocks on the Hartle's (my sister) door to awake them and tell them that they need to pick their nephew up from the hospital. Apparently my parents were more determined to get ahold of my siblings even if they had to do it the good 'ole fashioned way.

Tuesday: 4:00am: Luke is safe at the Hartle house...spreading all his little germs...

Wednesday: Luke goes home with his grandparents. Paul and I recover from the flu. Meanwhile, the Hartle household begins with the flu...starting with Lexi (2 yrs old) puking on the couch. Up North, Luke also is coming down with the flu, puking on his grandma. As grandma is handing him off to grandpa, grandpa ponders just licking up the mess to get his turn over with. Grandpa doesn't want to miss another Christmas due to the flu like he did 2 yrs ago. Shortly after, Grandma falls victim to the flu. Looks like Grandpa is flying solo taking care of a sick baby Luke.

Thursday: Paul and I return to work. I get 1/2 way to work [did I mention that I started a new job this week...with new people starting on Monday (3 days ago)?] and get a call from Paul. The f****** car won't start. Darn, I thought that this was going to be a good day. Back to carpooling again. I finally arrive to work at 10am just in time to receive the memo that no raises are being given out this year!

Friday: Still carpooling. As we are backing out of the driveway (in a rush) I hear a big BOOM. That could me one of two things: 1) Paul just hit a kid on his way to school 2) Paul just hit an object at the end of our driveway. Luckily, Friday happens to be trash pick up day in our neighborhood and Paul has just taken out our trash can. I get out of the car to pick up the trash that is now in the road and realize that Paul has smashed our tail light in the process. I get back into the car to tell Paul what's happened and he says: Man, I've hit that thing like 10 times, but never taken out a light. It's funny what you learn when you carpool with your spouse.

And that has been the last seven days of my life. Hope I could provide a little Holiday Humor for all of you!